Cry
by Samantha20
Summary: Buffy reflects on her relationship with Angel. Song is by Mandy Moore, Cry.


Title- Cry  
Author- Samantha  
Disclaimer- the characters of BtVS and AtS belong to Joss Whedon. Not me  
A/N - song used is Cry by Mandy Moore, from the soundtrack of 'A Walk to  
Remember.'  
It's amazing you know. I love him.  
After all the pain and heartache he's caused me, and all the hours I spent  
crying over him. I still love him.  
And I don't love him less. For some reason I actually love him more.  
Isn't it ironic? How much you can love someone, and how much you can hate  
them at the same time.  
I think somewhere deep down inside I'll always love him. My first love.  
I close my eyes, somewhere someone has a radio on, one song ends, and  
another begins  
  
I'll always remember  
It was late afternoon  
It lasted forever  
And ended so soon (yea)  
You were all by yourself  
Staring up at a dark gray sky  
I was changed  
  
I wonder if Angel remembers the snow? Snow, a gift from the First Evil or  
some other higher power to keep Angel alive. His words echo in my mind.  
'Am I a righteous man? Am I a man worth saving?'  
I can see the pained expression on his face.  
'The world wants me gone.'  
He's not really gone now. He's just somewhere else. He's in LA, and I'm  
here, in Sunnydale. I know he understands what it's like to be alone, and I  
want to cry.  
I don't like being alone.  
I can still see his face, gazing in wonder at the freshly falling snow. I  
remember thinking that he would be all right.  
That he would want to live in a world where he was surrounded by such  
beauty.  
  
In places no one will find  
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)  
It was now that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry  
The moment that I saw you cry  
  
I remember seeing him again. He was wild and angry, like he'd lost his  
mind. Just then, I was afraid of him.  
But he saved me, saved my life.  
And then he looked up at me, and he said my name. They way he said it... it  
was like a prayer. Then he knelt down and wrapped his arms around me.  
We both cried that night, but I'm not sure why I cried.  
Maybe it was because he'd come back to me. Maybe it was because he'd saved  
my life. I still don't know.  
  
It was late in September  
And I've seen you before (and you were)  
You were always the cold one  
But I was never that sure  
You were all by yourself  
Staring up at a dark gray sky  
I was changed  
  
I remember the day I went to see him in LA. When we fought the Mohra demon  
together. I have strange double memories of that day. And I know that both  
memories are real. Angel thinks I only remember the day that he killed the  
Mohra in his office. It would hurt him to know that I remember the day that  
I spent with him, while he was human.  
I remember when he came up to me at Santa Monica and I saw him walking in  
the sunlight. I remember how he kissed me.  
I remember telling him I wouldn't forget.  
  
In places no one will find  
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)  
It was now that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry  
  
'There is one way we can be together.' I said to him. I was in pain. 'Tell  
me you don't love me.'  
Saying that to him was like being cut in half. All because I didn't want  
him to say it.  
The only balm for that wound, now just another scar on my soul, was to hear  
him say nothing.  
He couldn't tell me he didn't love me.  
And I didn't beg him too.  
Spike was right. Love isn't brains, it's blood, as he put it 'screaming out  
for you to do it's bidding.'  
  
I wanted to hold you  
I wanted to make it go away  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to make your everything, all right....  
  
I remember waiting down at the docks for ship to take Angel away.  
I remember him turning to me and telling me he got me a birthday present,  
my ring. I can still here his voice, all husky as he told me what each  
symbol stood for.  
And I can remember wanting to beg him to stay.  
I can feel tears running down my cheeks and I don't care.  
I want to drown in these memories, I want to slip into nothingness.  
But the song keeps playing and I can't.  
  
I'll always remember...  
It was late afternoon...  
In places no one will find...  
  
I find myself remembering the day I'm not supposed to again.  
Seeing him, seeing Angel in the sunlight is something I'll never forget.  
Even if I live to be one hundred and two, I will never forget.  
I promise.  
  
In places no one will find  
All your feelings so deep inside  
(forever was in your eyes)  
It was now that I realized  
That forever was in your eyes  
The moment I saw you cry  
Baby cry  
The moment I saw you cry  
I think I saw you cry  
The moment I saw you cry  
  
I remember standing in front of him, watching the portal open up behind  
him.  
I can remember kissing him, telling him to close his eyes.  
And running him through with the sword, and seeing the portal close, taking  
Angel with it.  
I remember dropping the sword and crying.  
I felt numb, like nothing was real. Empty inside.  
I think that was the only time in my life I wanted to die.  
  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to know you  
I wanted to know you  
  
But I have to remember that in all the bad, there was still good in our  
relationship.  
No matter what happened there was love. There was always love.  
There's always light at the end of the tunnel, there's always the essence  
of truth in a lie.  
There's never just black and white, there's always gray.  
No matter where we are or what we're doing, Angel and I are still held in  
safety in each other's hearts, and we will always be able to find safety  
and security in the warmth of each other's arms. 


End file.
